he’s leaving Dec 3.
for 3 months.
maybe even earlier. if they think he’s good enough.
& idk how i should feel about this.
i mean i fully support him & his decision to do this.
but how am i supposed to feel ?
i mean if you think about it..
i shouldn’t even be stressing this out now.
december is 8 months away.
and even if he leaves earlier, it will still be at least 6 months away.
And who knows where we’ll be by then.
idk,
maybe we won’t even keep in contact.
or maybe we will, even more than we do now.
i don’t know.
so why stress it?
right?
Riiigggghhhhhldfkh;l lsghfsuh -_-
Im looking at people’s Tumblr’s that I know from school and stuff..
sidenote, that should show you how easy it is to find someone’s Tumblr.
And I’ve been seeing a lot lately that people reblog pictures about God, Jesus, Christianity & faith
And these are people that I never knew that God was a big part of their lives.
Honestly this just goes to show you,
just because that a person seems like their faith isn’t a big part of their lives, doesn’t mean it’s true.
You can never tell a person’s relationship with God just by looking at them.
Or even from knowing them a little.
Because I know some of these people,
and from knowing them a little, I didn’t think that God was a big part of their lives.
Honestly, i thought they were the type of people that only went to church on holidays.
But you can never tell.
So don’t judge.
I’m telling this to myself too, btw.
The only thing I hope, and hopefully, am gonna pray for
is that these people, that reblog pictures of their faith & love of God
don’t just do it in passing..
Like, they don’t just do it because yeah they simply agree or they like the picture
But I hope they actually do have a relationship with God
A good one too.
Okay I’m kinda upset/depressed because of this kid… And for some strange reason I think watching The Godfather is making me feel better… Maybe it’s because of all the shooting, And the whole killing people just because you can thing.
That is such a beautiful concept.
Someone flakes out on you, you them shoot them Someone lies to you, you shoot them in the face Someone fucks you over, you shoot them and their crew
Lmao, maybe I’m over reacting just a tad. But this isn’t just about me. My best friend just got fucked over by her now ex-boyfriend. That’s part of why I’m mad and upset too.
Did I ever mention how I hate feeling this way?
don’t worry this is just a random meaningless rant, I won’t go all italian mafia on these guys now…
THIS MOVIE IS KILLING ME….
i cant watch chick flicks. they suck. they just make you depressed even if you weren’t before.
i was fine.
trust me i was. up until now.
i don’t think it’s ever been this bad. I can’t do this.
honestly, I can’t stop thinking about him. today was the worst.
maybe it’s because yesterday we spent the entire day together & because of what is going on with his dad being in the hospital & stuff.
Idk. god, i’m being such a girl -_-
And the sucky part is, it’s not even legit cheating. Cause we’re not doing anything physical at all.
It’s like emotional. emotional cheating. Is that even possible?
god, and i think he feels the same way.
Why the hell am I being such a girl about this?!?
he keeps saying this crap about how we need to talk.
blah blah, and how he needs to tell me something.
but he never does, he never admits it.
and i don’t expect him to.
He has a girlfriend.
that’s what i keep reminding myself.
or what i have to keep reminding myself. what i should keep reminding myself.
this sucks.
i hate this,
being in this position.
the place that i’m in.
and this movie isn’t helping at all.
it’s describing my entire self.
everything i’m going through. the stupid decisions. the feelings. how much of idiot i look like.
i’m the quiet girl, who never asks anyone for anything.
always let’s the guy get away.
and the one that’s stuck in the sucky position
of liking someone & not being able to have them.
we’re both too proud, so we won’t admit it.
we’re both too scared, so we won’t take the chance.
and me? i’m not being myself.
because this girl?
the one that makes her best friend cheat on his girlfriend. and the one who falls for the idiot that plays every girl. and the one who in the back of her mind believes that guy will change for her….
that’s not me.
but there’s still something about it.
and i have no idea what to do.
I hate it when people lie to me. Not only that, it’s like when they just don’t tell you the whole truth. They tell you some version of it, a half- truth. And they know that they are somewhat lying, so they feel bad. But they still have the nerve to come to your face and not tell you everything.
And when that comes.from one of your closest friends, That’s what really sucks.
I took two of friends to youth service last night.
i think they both needed it. And they both enjoyed it.
hopefully
but you know when your at a church service and you feel like the preacher is speaking directly to you or about you.
that’s how i felt. and i think that’s how they felt.
which is good, because that’s when God has an impact on you.
I’m going to bring them back. we all need this.
soon…
- Ted: Okay! Let's hear it. What's wrong with Cathy?
- Barney: Are you kidding me, Ted? She's got a...
- Lily: Wait, you don't notice it?
- Ted: Notice what?
- Lily: Oh, he doesn't see it. If we point it out, we're gonna ruin her for him. As his friends, we'll just keep him in the dark.
- Barney: You're right. She's great, man.
- Robin: She's a keeper. Just... keep her somewhere else.
- <3
this weekend was interesting. dont get me wrong it was really fun. i wish i could’ve stayed a day or two longer.
but its interesting how some people act like nothing’s happened between the two of you.
look, i understand that this weekend was our senior trip and everyone was getting closer that went in the trip. but you and me don’t talk anymore, we’re not friends. when we do talk it will be “hi and bye” and even that is once in a blue moon. And its been like this for about two years now.
im not being angry, or bitter even. because regardless of that little annoyance i had a lot of fun this weekend with some amazing ass people.
But i dont understand how people can just pick up where they left off after such a long time, and act like nothing has changed from the past until now.
this kid, he has balls to do something like that. not even, its not like he had to be courageous or something. its just, i guess to him that was normal and to me it wasnt.
ANYWAYS, senior trip was awsome, as stated before.
paintballing
Jacuzzi
karaoke
club night
gym
roller blading
etccc <3
me and my friends packed so much into those three days, we were exhausted. but it was fun.
it was mainly the same group of girls and guys that im close with, that i was with all weekend. but i got cool with some other people too.
i roomed with my two bestfriends, and apparently our room was like amazing (even though there was nothing special about it).
because our friends would always come through and chill there, and even the guys would come over and sleep there Lol
now all there is left is the unofficial senior trip. we’re already thinking, renting a house in the hamptons or on the shore. either way, we’ll do both.
for after prom and unofficial senior trip.
def cannot wait.
Friday:
performance at youth service & sissy’s birthday. both went really well.
i thought the birthday was gonna be bad, because my parents were already mad that i had a performance at 8. that started a lot of fights. but in the end, God had a pla. He fulfilled it. And all went well.
Saturday:
One year anniversary for In One Accord Dance Co. We celebrated being together as a dance group for one year, with an amazing talk with pastor Marnie, a blessing from God, music, food, testimonies, and friends. Our leader invited people to speak, included. I started to cry, as I have done a lot lately in that church. But it was fun. My two best friends, James & Melissa came, which is good. They’re not christian like i am, so it was good that they came and heard testimonies from people, and hopefully got inspired. God was very happy that day.
Sunday:
Day started off rocky with fights with parents about church and which church i should go to. But whatever. It wasn’t a big deal, because the day ended really well. Celebrated my sissy’s bday, Hibachi style at Atlas Mall at a place called Shiro. It was really fun. Then to top it all off, we had desert at Martha’s Country Bakery. Best place ever !
THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS WONDERFUL WEEKEND! <3
Just ranted on Facebook.
I hate the people who try to self-promote their Tumblr’s on Facebook. Their only reason is to gain followers, which will only end up to be their friends who have Tumblr. Like shut up. Honestly, I haven’t had Tumblr that long & I know you’re not supposed to talk about Tumblr on Facebook.
Ugh, annoyed by these people.
lfhsfoidh fgiuufdhghsg shdf -_-
Just got home from a pretty fun night.
School, dance practice, & two parties in one day…
Yeahhh buddyyyyy….
Parents were getting tight a little cause i didnt call and then some little miscommunication happened there, but whatever Hopefully they get over it…
Cause I am sorry, I just cant admit it right now
Both parties were cool. First one:
chill channukkah party (Yeah I said Channukkah) Everyone was dancing and being goofy and having fun. The second one was a little more house party. People were drinking, some were dancing, some were just chilling with their friends or w.e
I left early cause I had to go home, one of my friends walked me home and he was kinda tipsy. He always walks me home when we’re together and its late out. So this is normal, him being a little drunk not so much.
But whatever, he was walking me home we were talking like we always do. And we’ve gotten a lot closer lately, to the point that were like best friends. Anyways he blurted out, I Like You.
he was drunk.He kept saying it, that he has feelings for me. And i kept rejecting him and being the bitch that i can be sonetimes Lol I told him that i didnt feel the same way, i told him i wanted to stay friends. And when he asked me, well what do I do about my feeling for you. I said: Hide them, ignore them Do sonething cause this cant happen.
he was drunk thats what i keep telling myself. thats why he became so emotional.
Fuckkkkkk mann….
I mran ideally, i think i would be fine with it But this is reality, so….
Yeah w t f am i gonna do?
okay, so this isn’t like big thing or anything.
I just wanted to write it here because i know if i told someone people would take it out of context.
Here’s the ‘sitch:
there’s gender bender day at school tomorrow for senior spirit week. and me, my friends Kayle & Mitchel decided we were gonna do it. so me & Kayle were gonna trade clothes with Mitchel just for tomorrow. today, after the crew chilled after school, Mitchel wanted to borrow clothes from me to wear them tomorrow. and he wanted to get them right then & there.
Fine no problem with me.
we went to my house, and my sister & her boyfriend were home just chilling. i let him try on some of my clothes (It Was Pretty Damn Funny) and i tried on his jeans.
Whatever, NBD right ?
the problem was after. well not really a problem but.. we were hanging out in my mom’s room, chilling, laying on the bed, going on Facebook, being dumbasses.
Ya’ know, the usual.
and then he tried to be all cute with me. honestly i have no problem with it. we’ve kind of always been that way. even when he had a gf :x but it never went far (And It Still Hasn’t). we just always hug each other for a while. and today he was laying down on me chest. and we were kind-of cuddling. and we would play with each other’s hand and be all cute & crap.
So whatever.
after i kind of threw him out. cause he would try & flirt with me and i would never flirt back, but that’s cause its the way i am. i don’t act all cute & girly. i went to drop him off at the bus stop. (And if you live in NY, you know it was freezing today) and he was cold, i wasn’t. and he would go and hug me really tight so he wouldn’t be cold. and it was cute and everything. we were just standing like that until the bus came. i have no problem that we have this friendship. its fun cause i don’t like him & he doesn’t like me, she says hopefully. and we can still act all cute and everything without it being awkward cause we Never hook up.
The thing is…
if our friends witnessed us acting like this. they would flip-the-fuck-out. not cause they would hate it or anything. but because its Weird that we would be acting affectionate towards each other. but at the same time, i’m pretty positive they all know we act like this around each other. cause they’ve seen tiny bits and pieces of this before. but its like something that is Definitely unspoken in the group. no one talks about it. cause then it would be awkward. they just let it be & act like it never happens.
Issue 2.
I worry that Mitchel might be getting two attached to me. because seriously, hes always the one starting it & i’m always the one shutting him down. that’s just our thing Lol. and ever since the beginning (cause this has been happening for a while) hes been the one to make the first move. the first one to act flirty. the first one who ever initiated this crap. again i have no problem with this. as long as it stays exactly the way it is. no strings. cause honestly, there’s not even a situation to attach the strings to!
Okay that’s enough about my rant about Mitchel. i’m definitely over thinking this. but oh well. that’s what i do.
and just letting you know i don’t like commitment, or relationships, etc. that”s why i like this thing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yDMIxSLfn0&feature=related
THAT’S ME ALL DAY ERRR’ DAYYY. ^
i don’t know what you heard about me, if you rolling with me i’m a P.I.M.P
