ive thought about telling my parents that i was thinking about sucide.
but the one time i was going to, was when i was telling my mom how sad i was & how much i hated being in this house.
with these people.
i told her how alone i felt.
how many times ive cried.
but she didnt even take that seriously
she didnt even care.
i guess she didnt believe me.
well, i guess theyll believe it when i down a bottle of pills trying to kill myself.
maybe even if i just end up in the hospital, theyll realize something…
how depressed ive been.
how much i dont want to live anymore.
how i figure everyones life would be easier if i was just dead.
but not even that.
cause they dont care, they dont take it seriously enough.
they think im acting “dramatic” or making myself “the victim”
which is just about the worst thing you can say to a depressed person
it just pushes me to want to do it more.
if i tell them, and they dont take me seriously
i think
i wouldnt be able to take it
that will be the end.
ill go crying the entire time, to my medicine cabinet,
take the first bottle i see & swallow as much as i can.
im screaming out for help.
but no one hears me.
no one cares.
“Praise God, but it’s hard to stay spiritual. How they got these niggahs on the tv selling miracles. You mean to tell me everything will be fine if I call your hotline and pay $29.99.
Shit, well damn. Why didnt you say so? Take this check and ask God to multiply all my pesos.”
— Blow Up - J. Cole
Every fucking day.
(Source: love-advice-xo, via makethings-happen-today)
Update later on today
everything’s shit. everything & everyone. just shit.
[video]
(Source: silver-trembling-hands, via the-foool-on-the-hill)
(via kushandwizdom)
^ my life story.
life still sucks.
shit hasnt gotten better.
its w.e now.
i feel like giving up.
and i keep trying to do that.
but its like the world isnt letting me.
i want to give up.
all this fucking shit isnt worth the stress anymore
in the end, im not happy.
i dont see myself being happy/
(Source: 0rbiting, via tilthendoftheage)
they really don’t
i try to say everything so they will see
without actually saying im gonna kill myself
cause theyre gonna get scared
or not believe me
or even get mad
How do you get mad at someone for being depressed or sad?
they really dont get it, no matter how much i try to explain.
im deppressed.
i dont want to live.
i dont see the point of beng alive if its in this pain.
maybe once they see scars theyll start to understand
oddly enough, yesterday was a good day.
from like 7PM -1AM
anything other than that was just horrible.
the morning was complete & utter disaster
and then when i came home from the concert, my night was ruined again.
As if, my parents didn’t ruin my entire day they had to go and ruin an amazing night i had.
who starts complaining about your daughter gong to a christina perri concert, after you basically robbed her of like $600 that you owed her.
i understand money is tight, but if you woulda told me from the beginning that im not gonna be able to pay, that would’ve been completely fine.
honestly.
idc about the money, but the fact that you kept me under this false hope like nothing was wrong & “God will provide” for so long. Exciting me even more that i was gonna be able to go, and then you just pull it out from under me, & take it away a the last possible second.
if it was only for I wouldnt care.
honest.
but all the people i let down.
all the people that are gonna ask questions & Im gonna be the one that has to face them & say no I dont have the money.
that is what’s gonna kill me.
im letting down so many people by doing this.
and its killing me, because i hate to let my bestfriends down.
Anyways, this wasnt supposed to be a rant of that ^
this was supposed a thank you for last night.
it kinda saved yesterday. for a bit anyways
this kid surprised me with the christina perri tickets i wanted.
the concert was amazing.
and i know he doesnt listen to that type of music.
but he gave it a try for me.
it was nice.
THAT’S ROCK BOTTOM
when you feel like you’ve had it up to here,
cause you mad enough to scream,
but you sad enough to tear
im such a failure.
I should just die, be dead.
someone should run me over with a car or something
I think that would be easier than dealing with life right now